dull

No train nor car is able to dull the screams,
A living nightmare for which I have no control.

I battle against his wishes but he’s too strong,
He overpowers my mind with the slightest ease he scares me…

He wants me to run run run,
He tells me no one wants me; I’ll be better off if I just do what he says.

Breaking down on my knees,
Ripping out my hair because I know deep inside me this isn’t right.

Kill me Kill me I cry

Billie Mcclelland (c)

Psychosis

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Falling from the heavens I can only envision
My haemorrhaging heart and my thinking
Are running overtime… I try as always and
None but consecutively to reach for the sky
Blood is cascading, I cannot arrest-
My eyes are kaleidoscopic and spiraling
Downward then upward
My lips blacken as my tongue forks outward hot as grease, spattering…
Serpentine, as is chartreuse as its mottled skin,
Tighter than a drum, gently tapping,
Sound accelerates then pounding erratically
Louder the decibels heightening
Eyes are spinning in a vicious circle around and around
Where they stop, nobody could even begin to imagine?
It hardly matters because even if my arm could
Reach out from the top of my head,
Grasping at eyes, those eyes-
Bloodshot as the irises, magenta as their pupils
Spinning with out stopping, arrested in space, spinthariscopic-
Whirling dervishes, I cannot reach, as mesmerizing as the day I perished inside, as Electrons spliced in time, abbreviated: less than a nanosecond-perhaps-
A bleeding heart and a brain
Sizzling out of control,
Rainbows have disintegrated, no hope for the weary,
I am less than surviving upon a very slow joyride,
Drowning and sinking, hissing and smoldering, and
Nothing matters any more because after all-
Aren’t we all just drifters and
Going no place, merely existing in
This theatrical sea of life,
Never ending, never abating?
Louder, louder, louder, louder -I can no longer persevere…

Claudia Krizay (c)

New Poetry Book!

Recently I have attended a poetry symposium in London, and I will be blogging about this next week. But now I am focusing on a new idea. Do you want to get published?

Sz poetry.com has been online for over a year, and has been a success. I hope you all think so too. Now I want to put all the content from submissions here into a new book. Your poetry will remain your work and the copyright will remain yours. If we do not find a publisher we can self-publish. The cost of the printing a self- published book would have to be raised, so if we don’t find a publisher I will set up a fund-raising account. With the publisher on board, a proportion of the funds will return to the writers.There are not enough poetry submissions for the book as yet, for we need approximately 150 poems.

I ask all of you who are reading if you have written or intend to write poetry about schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder please submit your work, and I will do my best to get us published. There a number of great poets out there, and those who are already well known names, such as Pamela Spiro Wagner, and Maureen Oliver.

At the moment we have a long way to go, but in a year and half’s time, in 2013. I know we can get this done. If you have any questions about publishing you can wait until next week where I will attempt to answer your question, or contact me via this website. Please leave feedback to this idea in the comments section as well. I will also post up a FAQ list next week for all those who still have questions about what to write and how a book gets published.

Well I hope you are now enthused enough to get writing and send me your poems. There are still many myths and misunderstandings about schizophrenia, and poetry and art are great mediums to bridge gaps and change negative attitudes and beliefs. Don’t forget to add tags to the poetry submissions so I promote your poetry online properly. Please submit your poetry for the new SZ poetry book now! 

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