Alone with myself in a situation that pits my own wits against my own wits,
a fight within myself that cannot be won.
A tangent on a pile of tangents left to wander, lost within itself,
in an infinite loop of paranoia that feeds back into itself and poisons my mind.
I hold onto myself in hopes that I do not drift away, only to find myself lost
hoping to find myself again on a path that only leads away from who I am
that connects to another path that leads me away from everything I want to be.
A heaviness sets in that can not be thrown off for all my strength
I am weak by no means yet I cannot move it.
If it were any other man it would crush them,
but I am conditioned to it for I have been carrying this weight my whole life.
If the foe were other than myself I would defeat him,
but I know all of my own tricks.
How can you counter your own mind when it already knows how to defeat you?
So here I am in a battle for my own life and when I win it is only just barely.
A small stroke of luck.
It never feels as if it is by my own merits or skill.
When will the luck run out?
What will be the tide that sweeps me to a loss so great that I am lost forever.
And when that happens who will bring me back?
If I am even there at all, my essence swept away.
Non existent.
Here no more.
And only the monsters of my mind left behind.
By: Danny Walter

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