My name is David Holloway. This post is for those who don’t know me or have just read some of my poems and have been directed here for the first time. I have a mental illness called schizophrenia. I first became ill aged 16 but was admitted to hospital in 2001 with psychois. I thought my late father, Richard had moved my medication for depression supernaturally in my bedroom like a poltigeist. My window was closed and there was a gust of wind that riled my cat before the medication behind my television fell on the floor. I was admitted to A and E with an incident involving my family and I told the psychiatrist who attended to me about the my ghostly encounter. He admitted me to the psychiatric ward of course, and I thought he was mad, not me!
At the time I had just broken up with my girlfriend, and I had no friends, because she lived in another city and my friends from school had rejected me when I was ill. I was so lonely and afraid. Since then Facebook has allowed me to get back in touch with some of them online. I have loads of past school friends on social media, but I don’t meet up with any of them, as they live in Derbyshire and I am in Nottingham. I hope to in the future.
Fast forward to 2005 and I am still paranoid, like a fog comes over my mind as Elyn Saks writes in her book The Centre Cannot Hold. I was heavily involved in Christianity, and I thought I was King David, the Lion of Judah reincarnated. My paranoia involves thinking people are staring at me, and I am being persecuted, plus a very strong delusion that presenters on the TV can see me. Still after working for several years in retail I started a degree in Sport and Physical Education. I fell in love in the second year with my future wife. She was beautiful, intelligent and very funny. I made lots of friends, but I also had a lot of perceived negativity towards me. I blamed racism, and mental health stigma, but that is not the whole story. It never is.
I am very well now and am on a Master’s course at Trent University. However I am seperated from my wife. I loved her so much. I will fill in the gaps in another blog. I apologise for not keeping the website updated but I will keep it going I promise. Of course I have written poetry in these years and have two books to name, The Colours of Schizophrenia and Schizophrenia Is Merely A Word plus journals and other publications. My next blog with discuss my poetry. Just to note my illness does not include hearing voices or visual hallucinations. Please keep posting your poems. Thanks for your support.